This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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