the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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