So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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