The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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