i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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