Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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