): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
