Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize