I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
