i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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