best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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