I could make wine with my vomit
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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