Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
