he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
