i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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