He asked to "fluff my boner.."
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need water and some morals
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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