i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
