My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
