ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
