so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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