Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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