Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
