glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
