worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
