my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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