So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
