I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
