Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
