The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
