I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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