I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
