i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
