3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
