Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
