Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just gargled with NyQuil
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize