why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
