they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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