you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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