Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
