I am in a vortex of obligation.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
