Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Vodka?
Forever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
