Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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