why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
