god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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