haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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