Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
