We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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