It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
