he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
