I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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