3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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