I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
