i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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