Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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