her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
