i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
