i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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