I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
