super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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