White coat. Heels.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
