apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
