Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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