"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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