Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
