Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We're too hungover to prance.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
