her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
