I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
