Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
