Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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