thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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