guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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