Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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