I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
