I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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