I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
