I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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