I'm going to jail i love you
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
