Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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