I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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