So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize