why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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