I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
