Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
