my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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