I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
