if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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