Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
