omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
