You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
