you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
