im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That accounts for only three of the penises
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
