I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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