'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
