Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
