I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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