I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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