Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
