I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
