I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
