even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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