Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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